Children of Deaf Adults and You.

She was born on October 29, 2002 in Frederick, Maryland.
Her name is Autumn Savana.

A week later her parents showed up at a gathering of deaf people. We, being new parents, were approached by several individuals who were interested in meeting Autumn. They would say their “oohs” and “aahs” and look at her for a few seconds and then bring up their itching question:

“Baby hearing or deaf?”
*curious eyes and fidgety lips*

Autumn is hearing.

“Oh.”
*face says: disappointed*

I remember the many times people would approach us with that question over and over. Each new person Autumn would meet had to ask that same old lame old question.

“Baby hearing or deaf?”
*fingers crossed*

She can hear.

“Means she got fathers genes because mother has the deaf gene. Oh well. Such a pretty baby anyway, she is darling.”

I remember feeling like I was the one to blame for her NOT being deaf. I remember feeling like I was a 2nd rate person in a 1st rate community because I do not have a deaf family and as we continued to live around Frederick and Washington D.C. the deaf community continued to ask that abrasive question.

“Baby hearing or deaf?”
*anticipation on face*

She is hearing.

“You know, it is important to sign with her because she is a Koda and they are a part of our deaf community.”

That’s right! Thank you. I was just about ready to explode before the next person was going to ask me that callous question. Yes, my daughter can hear and no, she isn’t going to be raised hearing. She’s a Koda and that’s the bottom line.

Now…Now…Now…

Let us fast forward to today. I was outside building an adobe wall whilst thinking about Kodas/Codas. You see, these people are some of the most unique people I have ever encountered in my life. If you’re not familiar with the acronyms then allow me to share.

K.O.D.A.
Kid Of Deaf Adult

C.O.D.A.
Child of Deaf Adult

These people have either one or two parents who are deaf and, naturally, they use the language of their parents, which is in most cases, sign language. There are, however, certain situations that a hearing child might have deaf parents that do not use sign language and that is often due to the fact that they, the parents, do not subscribe to deaf culture or use sign language. Is that clear? A Coda can either be proud or ashamed of being associated with the deaf and I will elaborate more on that further down.

Lets go back again and I will tell you about another experience I had with Autumn when she was four. Only this time it involves the actions of a hearing person. Please pay attention because this shit is going to get you thinking deeply about a few things in the whole (whole or hole?)

We, Autumn and I, are walking down a snowy street in Basalt, Colorado and are approached by a harried woman who seemed to want some help. Before she could explain in detail what it was she needed help with, I asked her to write it all down. She looked at me and rolled her eyes with a sneer on her face. The next thing she decided to do was talk to a four year old, Autumn:

“Tell your Daddy….”

Whoa! Whoa! Woman! Hey! First of all, I’m the adult here. Second, Autumn is four years old, my daughter, and not an interpreter. And lastly, I asked you to write down what you are saying.

“Can you tell your Daddy,..”

GRRRRRR!
Tsk. Tsk, Tsk. They may be hearing but they sure as hell do not listen.
We walked away and I held Autumn’s hand as I told her that sometimes hoos just don’t understand.

“I LOVE you, Daddy.”
I love you too.

Sigh

Okay, now here is where my thoughts get very interesting based on everything I’ve mentioned above. Deaf people praise deaf children of deaf parents because, as I believe, those children provide a source of hope for the community. Hope for a less ignorant hearing world, and that I can understand, but to the deaf community, I ask that you consider asking that curious question in a better way if you want to keep any hope at all. Ask: “Baby Coda or Deaf?” That way it is a win-win situation rather than a split or a diversion. You see, deaf people aren’t the only ones fighting to diminish the ignorance that so plagues the hearing world. Codas really kick ass and they do so because they’ve experienced the same, if not worse, kind of discrimination that uninformed hearing people impose!

Now, imagine an 7-year old Koda child sitting at a restaurant with her family and she hears a group of people making fun of people who use sign language or people talking about her parents in a way that makes her cry. Imagine this is only one instance of the many possibilities.

Whooo-ey!
Déjà vu.

Codas get used, abused, reused, misused and I know this because I’ve seen both the hearing and deaf take advantage of them. That is where we, as parents, made a promise to ourselves, being intelligent, capable, and independent people, never to put our children in the middle of our business with others. They deserve to be kids! If one opts to make an interpreter out of their child, if one selfishly uses that child’s hearing, if one conditions that child into becoming a personal secretary, they are truly vile, manipulative, controlling and in no way independent. They are selfish enough to be inconsiderate of the fact that they are sucking out the youth of that child faster than the world can do it alone. This is where the shame starts to surface and the Coda wants to be free from the deaf community. Aha! Another ally driven away.

Yeehaw!
Y’all know which horse I’m diggin’ my spurs into.
*kickin’!*

When a deaf parent USES their child to communicate with the hearing world, they are saying: “Hearing people are superior.” If you think using your child keeps you above par, think again because you’re just reinforcing the status quo (an ignorant hearing world) and declaring to the world how feebleminded you are. Hola!

I could go on and on with this but nah, enough has been said and I need to pull some more weeds out of the garden. ☺

Vain in the Brain!

Hey!
Look!

No, No, No,..
Over there!
Yea, did you see that?

No?
Oh man...
You really missed it, huh?

(Well as you might have noticed, the people I brought up in the last blogpost have yet to respond to the questions I presented and of course, they probably won't ever see what I said because for all I know, I'm just a nobody, out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. Tsk. A'ight,...so be it :)

Now,...

I'm sitting on the brink along the Southeast Rim of the Chisos Mountains marveling at how a rainbow curves with a cloud's shadow whilst ravens and swifts swoosh through the air just a few feet above my head. The Sierra Del Carmens, to the east, provide the Sun with a canvas to paint oranges, reds, blues, and purples and I am in awe of everything in every way. With my arms behind me, my hands on the rock, and my feet dangling over the 1500 feet below me, I see that there beside me is a tough and courageous agave plant literally hanging on to the edge but doing so with a natural confidence. I chuckled with a huge grin after the agave seemed to tell me: "many a sunset!"

With a new day comes a new painting.
Now THIS is Paradise...

"I forgive you, I really do. I forgive you like a dog forgives a brutal master and I mean it, I forgive you for being such an ignorant person. I forgive you for using your skills and abilities in vain. I forgive you for forgetting and hurting us. I forgive you for being mean and selfish. I forgive you, above all, for forgetting (or denying) what love is.

I do, I forgive you, (place name here), for allowing hoovanity to swallow the best of you."

Sigh

...the sun is down and the full moon hangs from a glistening night sky. I think of you all while I am here and I ponder on the wonderful things we've learned, shared, and of the more good things to come. I know I am truly blessed to be in such a diverse community and one that is not so much defined by their experience or knowledge, but by the willingness to be honest with one another about who they are in that community and by that, enabling true diversity and sincere sentiments.

"I thought deafhood was such hogwash,.. but I realize now that I was wrong..."

"Deafhood people are elitists. Oh, what is an elitist?"

"It is better to do what hearing people do because the world is hearing. (Dammit, why do they always seem to make me feel inferior?)"

"The key to success is to appear successful at all cost."

You know,.. being honest is more than just telling "your truth". It is more than just being blunt. It is mostly about being clear with yourself on the wrongs you've done, the lessons you've learned, the flaws you DO have, and how you tried to hide those things. Honesty is about loving your true self so that others may love you for who you ARE. Honesty is being you and not a poser. You know what I mean.

Me entiendes?
You are perfectly fine just the way you ARE.
(How many times have I said that shit?)

I, like you, am deaf and I am aware that THEY, the hearing world, are not going to listen to our Truth until we can convince YOU to come out of your trained defense and denial of your flaws and misunderstandings.

'memba,..you ain't perfect, right?
That is YOU!

Of course, if you need TeePee to help you get that brown stuff off your nose, just ask me and I'll hand you a roll WITHOUT judgment. Now, now, now,...I'm not mocking you, I know this because I've been confronted by a freedom fighter before and she kicked my ass real good. (Got Scott?)

Again and again and again, I ain't trying to intimidate you or put you down, but I will do my BEST to slap some sense into you because hey, if anyone has been listening with the heart and trying to understand, it has been us, who know the traps and snares of such vanity. Be ye free...

Hey now,...
I'm trying here.

To Understand

“Why the hell do you live way out there in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do?” they usually ask and I usually respond with a soft chuckle and smile on my face, “That’s why.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Well alright, let me be clear here so I won’t have to go around this again. I live here in what you consider the middle of nowhere, because it is remote and isolated from a blind society.

“Are you calling me blind?”

That I cannot yet answer but what I can do is ask you this: “ Can you live way out here in the middle of ‘nowhere’ with ‘nothing to do’?”

“No.”

There you go, that is precisely why I live here and why you don’t understand.

-ahem-

Say, you know what is better than a deaf person who has some residual hearing and speaks well? It is a deaf person who can kick that deaf person’s ass without having to utter a word. Ha, Ha Ha! So much for your speech therapy and AVT eh? Whack! Whack! Whack!

I know I’m being brash here but hey, they can take it right? They’re all grown up and they love to play childish games, yeah. They are the people who love to feel good about them selves by threatening and putting down others.

You want names?

Lets try: Gina Alberti Sutton, Russell Errigo, Michael McConnell, Joshua Dawson, Barry Sewell, and Rachel Chaikof to name a few.

These sort of people are proud of their abilities and their accomplishments. They believe the fact that hearing people know what is best for deaf children. They resent the fact that they are associated with us in any way. Now, these people are not bad people and neither are they perfect. They’re just another group of folks with a certain ideology (results of brainwashing?) and system of political beliefs. That is their right.

What I want to point out to these people is that what they do, whether knowingly or not, is not cool. It’s not cool to walk around all snooty and snotty like those sneetches who had bellies with stars did upon those who had none upon thars.

You know, you all are a smart lot (???) and I can see that rather clearly but if you’re that smart, why do you have to go around pissing on people who might not be as privileged you have been. Is it that beneficial to your self esteem to go around telling people to learn to read, to do their homework, and holding hearing values to be superior to their own? I mean, seriously stating here, is it really worth it to do and say such things to these people when they go through the same kinds of struggles you do as a person with less than perfect hearing and THEIR struggles are likely to be greater than yours, is it really worth it?

You might call the terms audism and deafhood bogus and that is perfectly fine with me but you cannot deny that the meanings and experience of such proposed terms do exist. You can also see that our vocabulary continues to expand with our expansion of knowledge. Consider dictionaries from 1810, 1910, and 2010. Compare them.

I know you’re smart enough (???) to understand where I’m going with this.

Now allow me:

1. Have you experienced someone acting superior to you or discriminating you because you couldn’t hear perfectly or speak effectively?

2. Have you acquired more knowledge and experience about hearing loss than the average hearing person?

3. Have you experienced what it is like with life without a speaking voice or a hearing aid (including C.I.’s) on a daily basis?

If you’ve answered “no” to all questions, then I guess I was wrong about you. Maybe you’re not that smart and/or are brainwashed with some audist establishment propaganda.

If you’ve answered, “yes” to all questions, then surely you have an idea what we, collectively and wholly, as a people with less than perfect hearing are up against.

Okay, if you only said no to question three, then perhaps you might want to take back several things you have said and done towards certain people or at least review your comments. Understanding is to be had, eh?

If you think all three of these questions are stupid and pointless, then that defines you and your concern for the future of deaf children. Try to inquire more and dispute less. If you cannot do that, try, then, to get your head out of your ass. Just because you’re doing what is “normal and right” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing what is good for everyone. Besides, you’re not normal and you never will be, so get over it and move along with the rest of us.

If you can't understand any of this, let me just say, you’re no better than we are.

P.S. Those who have been named, find some courage to say something in response, eh?

Driving While Deaf

You know it’s an ignorant hearing world when you take your truck to get the annual inspection done only to find out your truck failed because the horn didn’t work. Well, you know what? No one’s horn works for me, so what is the use.

Can deaf people get a driver’s license?
Are you kidding me?
I kid you not.

Sometimes these questions are presented to me out of curiosity and other times they ask me things out of utter stupidity. I mean, you talk about people using cell phones while driving, which is illegal in some states, or you talk about people who have their boom boxes and amps hooked up to the maximum. Now talk about distractions! Still, many don’t feel comfortable with a deaf person behind the wheel. Go figure.

Will you let me drive?
No, I’m the best driver I know, attentive and alert.

Well any way, I’m driving today down memory lane and I’m passing some experiences that I’m not quite fond of. This is the dark end of the street where I’ve left things to have the dust settle upon them. The first stop I come to is the Texas School for the Deaf where I spent a summer studying to get a learner’s permit to drive.

This was technically the first time I ever really stayed at the institution and I use the word because it’s the word we sign. It was probably the first time I encountered a Deaf of Deaf person. I was, to my recollection, intrigued to get to know how these deaf people walk around with an air of confidence and fluidity in their signing. You see, they didn’t sign with the stress of articulation interfering with their expression of thoughts and feelings. They didn’t care if hearing people gawked at them. They knew they were deaf and had no question about that. They were leaders and they were dominant while many of us were forced to sit in the back of the bus.

So there you have it. I stand at the bottom of the pecking order in public school as a hearing impaired fool. I go to a deaf school and I stand again at the bottom of the pecking order as a deaf of hearing oral boy.

I get back in my truck and drive a few miles down the road to a brighter end of the street and the next stop I make is at the Texas Lions Camp for crippled children. Yeah, that’s what they originally called it. I drive past some good thoughts and treasured memories. I wave to friends I’ve made and to girlfriends I kissed and danced with. It was here that I made friends of all kinds, each of us having a special gift or ability about us.

There were those who could not see,
There were those who could not hear,
There were those who could not talk,
There were those who could not walk,

All of us had a gift, a blessing to offer to the world.

I treasure this stop on memory lane. You see, I spent two weeks out of every summer in my life here from the time I was 8 to the time I was 16 and I enjoyed every minute I was there. I learned about people. I learned about myself. I learned about diversity. I learned about adversity. I grew up loving everyone and their gifts. I learned a lot about deaf children and their parents from this experience and this is more so, now that I am looking back on it all.

Almost all of the deaf kids who went to Texas Lions Camp had hearing parents. It is rare, if ever, that you would see or meet a deaf person from a deaf family at a camp for crippled children. They had parents who didn’t see themselves as being handicapped and they were conditioned with that notion. This enabled them, the deaf of deaf, a stronger sense of self worth in a predominant hearing world.

*sniffing the air*

I hop into the truck again and ignore the expired inspection sticker. A horn, HA! This time I turn around and return to the first stop I made, TSD. Once again the street grows dim and the air feels a little cold.

I get out and remember the day I sat in the cafeteria whilst being grilled by a deaf of deaf about whom I was and where I was from. I remember trying to fingerspell under such an embarrassing amount of pressure only to be mocked and ridiculed for being such a inept signer.

Oh! So it is my fault that I can’t sign for shit?

I remember hanging out outside the cottage with the other students. I sat on a picnic table whilst people seemed to sign about me and look at me and laugh. I look around and wish to find a tree to climb up or a hole to crawl into. Something! Then some brute approaches me and puts his arm around me and does the unexpected. He yells mock gibberish into my hearing aid and ignites a roar from the spectators involved. This cruel deaf of deaf guy then takes his arm off me and mockingly grabs my arm to shake my hand. He looks at me with a devilish grin, the wink of an eye, and with the thrust of his tongue along the side of his cheek he walks away back into the warmth of his little posse of clowns.

I didn’t know whether to stay there and be a joke or to walk away with my tail between my legs. I wanted neither of the two. I didn’t want to hang out with the hearing people and I didn’t want to hang out with the deaf people. I felt like everyone sucked and there was definitely no place for me to build a home for my soul. I remember that day. I was just fifteen years old.

My truck seems to whistle for me so I head back to it and drive off down the road towards the freeway called Life. All the while, I’m thinking to myself about the miles I’ve traveled through the deaf experience and my understanding of deafhood. I ponder on the things that either make us or break us. For some people, they open their arms to others in the deaf community and for others they want nothing to do with the deaf community. There are also those who spend their whole lives, like me at fifteen, with no place to go, no place to belong. They become isolated in their own little world and resort to a destructive lifestyle, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Now with the advent of our awareness of words like audism and deafhood, these very people have gathered their armor, arms, and artillery with the intention to retaliate back. You see, it is easy to remember the insults from hearing people but it is easier to remember the hostile insults from those who are like you. So, as a result, they spend their energies attacking their own kind because it is easier to side with the majority than it is to attack the majority because victory in that manner is more likely to happen.

-Sigh-

My truck is cruising at 55 down Life’s highway and as I’m driving while deaf, I keep my eyes peeled for other people who are looking for their deafhood. I am prepared to help them find their way home because we all deserve that much.

We deserve a sense of belonging and by that I mean we deserve to be together as a whole in a world that knows little about the Song of Silence.

A Time for Everything.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

I came to read the book of Ecclesiastes whilst pondering on and praying for a particular soul. You see, I often say my prayers when I'm outside having a cancer stick and last night I went home after a little time at the local wifi joint to do just this.

Ahhh...

The night skies in Far West Texas are some of the darkest due to the remoteness and isolation from the rest of the civilized world and to partake in a praying session under such stars is amazing. You see,.. when I pray,..I have a conversation with those I know that love me and those I love in return.

Well, last night I was praying for this particular soul because I feel they need some love sent their way. Of course, this person has been very gruesome and cruel to a lot of people in our deaf community. In fact, so cruel that they have caused others to want to hate in return.

I know this because I have felt the hate.

When I feel the hate and the rage boiling in me, I have to remind myself to slow down and forgive them for what they do and know not. They are just as human as I am and by seeing myself reach such a boiling point, I can understand how easy it is to allow ourselves the expense of saying hateful things.

I have wanted for some time to attack this person with such an amount of vengeance and evil to the point that I would leave them feeling the pain of ALL the hate they have caused in our deaf community. Yet I realize that this person is struggling with one thing about herself, yes it is a she. She doesn't love herself as a deaf person and has opted to use her own self hate to hate others who love the fact that they are deaf.

She has opted to attack those who embrace....
She has chosen to belittle those who are content...
She had decided to smear those who are fine...

...with their being deaf.
You see, she is ashamed of herself!

And the worst thing she has set up for herself is that she has made it difficult for us to reach out to her and offer her a loving hand. We only want to help ourselves be free of being a self-hating deaf people. We want to spread the joys of being deaf. We want to teach others about the injustices that are thrown upon the lives of deaf children. We want to diminish the results that create this self hatred.

She has attacked us under a veil of anonymity thus choosing to wallow in her own self hatred, spread more hate, and shove aside likely friendships.

I feel her pain and I wish it would not stab any deeper that it already has. I prayed that she would for once and for all, find it in herself to embrace her own soul. The stars above me glistened and as I continued to pray, a shooting star come across me.

I felt I was received.

Now today, after much thought and time, I have found it to be necessary that it is time for her to peel off the layers of denial and look for once in the mirror to see that she is truly a kindred spirit that has only been troubled by the ignorance that plagues the world.

Particularly, Audism.

I wanted us, as a community, to be patient with her but the more I think about it, the more I know it is time to help her begin the healing process and yes, for some, tough love is the only way to go about it. Of course, the initial part of the process might hurt more than one can bear but how can we begin to heal what we have hidden until we have it identified and exposed.

Sigh.

I know the heavens don't lie and I have learned to take a time-out here and there when the going gets tough. Doing such enables me to better listen to the wisdom of a million years.

All day today, I thought about this person and our community. All day I kept questioning what we, as a community, should do about it. All day I asked the cactus, the mesquite, the agave, the birds, the wind, and just about everything I saw.

What to do?

Well, you know what I did?
I went to the Study Butte Store and bought a piece of candy and ate it.

Where is that candy now?
Gone.
Pau!

So, as a fellow freedom fighter told me, "There is nothing wrong about doing what is right" and I have to say that I agree. This calls for doing the right thing even if we fear there will be repercussions. Risks are necessary.

Hmm...

You know, I learned after 20 years of bullshitting myself into thinking I was better off acting like a hearing person than embracing myself and loving myself for being the person that I am, a beautiful deaf man, that the Truth is simply easier and much more natural. It is unavoidable.

It's time to show this person that we understand, even if it hurts in the beginning.

"Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?" Ecclesiastes 3:22

The Song of Silence

Summer begins! The desert is verdant, the creek is teeming with wildlife and cumulonimbi dance in the sky as she, the desert, displays such wonderful music. Ahh, I sit here beaming with the Sun yet I am under the protection of a Cottonwood's shade. Sweet bliss comes with the breeze! You see, this is the time of the year when the wisdom of the Chihuahuan Desert stands her tallest and when I am placed at my humblest.

Listen, she tells me.
It is silence that she sings.

That’s one of the greatest things about being a deaf person. You don’t have to struggle in order to receive such lovely melodies that play before the eyes and the soul. You know? The voiceless sing greatest when the all the world is silent. The Ocotillos sway in the wind like the bow of a fiddler playing such elegant notes. The Creosote bushes shake like the rhythm of maracas while a sparrow passes overhead in a flight pattern that resembles the song of a flute and still she, our beloved desert, sings when the wind ceases. The trickle of Terlingua creek flows with a gentle hum and the various colors of rock add a unique-ness to the music. The mountains moan behind the haze of the heat whilst vultures and hawks patrol the skies. All is a part of the song.

Listen, she reminds me.
This is the Song of Silence

It is also the time of the year when the heat becomes extremely unbearable for the thick blooded and thus they fly north to the cooler climes. Of course, with such a phenomenon, the locals of Terlingua are able to better appreciate her music.

No more trains of river runner vans going up and down the road.
No more herds of Harley Hogs in their dead cow clothes.
No more busloads of tourists from a foreign land.
No more private planes at the airstrip.

It is Summer!

Yeah, it is that time of the year and I’m rather glad it is here. It is that time, my cue, to return to the platform and stand up for what I believe in as Deaf Jeff. It is that time to tell my story, to tell our story, and ultimately: The Song of Silence.