A Time for Everything.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

I came to read the book of Ecclesiastes whilst pondering on and praying for a particular soul. You see, I often say my prayers when I'm outside having a cancer stick and last night I went home after a little time at the local wifi joint to do just this.

Ahhh...

The night skies in Far West Texas are some of the darkest due to the remoteness and isolation from the rest of the civilized world and to partake in a praying session under such stars is amazing. You see,.. when I pray,..I have a conversation with those I know that love me and those I love in return.

Well, last night I was praying for this particular soul because I feel they need some love sent their way. Of course, this person has been very gruesome and cruel to a lot of people in our deaf community. In fact, so cruel that they have caused others to want to hate in return.

I know this because I have felt the hate.

When I feel the hate and the rage boiling in me, I have to remind myself to slow down and forgive them for what they do and know not. They are just as human as I am and by seeing myself reach such a boiling point, I can understand how easy it is to allow ourselves the expense of saying hateful things.

I have wanted for some time to attack this person with such an amount of vengeance and evil to the point that I would leave them feeling the pain of ALL the hate they have caused in our deaf community. Yet I realize that this person is struggling with one thing about herself, yes it is a she. She doesn't love herself as a deaf person and has opted to use her own self hate to hate others who love the fact that they are deaf.

She has opted to attack those who embrace....
She has chosen to belittle those who are content...
She had decided to smear those who are fine...

...with their being deaf.
You see, she is ashamed of herself!

And the worst thing she has set up for herself is that she has made it difficult for us to reach out to her and offer her a loving hand. We only want to help ourselves be free of being a self-hating deaf people. We want to spread the joys of being deaf. We want to teach others about the injustices that are thrown upon the lives of deaf children. We want to diminish the results that create this self hatred.

She has attacked us under a veil of anonymity thus choosing to wallow in her own self hatred, spread more hate, and shove aside likely friendships.

I feel her pain and I wish it would not stab any deeper that it already has. I prayed that she would for once and for all, find it in herself to embrace her own soul. The stars above me glistened and as I continued to pray, a shooting star come across me.

I felt I was received.

Now today, after much thought and time, I have found it to be necessary that it is time for her to peel off the layers of denial and look for once in the mirror to see that she is truly a kindred spirit that has only been troubled by the ignorance that plagues the world.

Particularly, Audism.

I wanted us, as a community, to be patient with her but the more I think about it, the more I know it is time to help her begin the healing process and yes, for some, tough love is the only way to go about it. Of course, the initial part of the process might hurt more than one can bear but how can we begin to heal what we have hidden until we have it identified and exposed.

Sigh.

I know the heavens don't lie and I have learned to take a time-out here and there when the going gets tough. Doing such enables me to better listen to the wisdom of a million years.

All day today, I thought about this person and our community. All day I kept questioning what we, as a community, should do about it. All day I asked the cactus, the mesquite, the agave, the birds, the wind, and just about everything I saw.

What to do?

Well, you know what I did?
I went to the Study Butte Store and bought a piece of candy and ate it.

Where is that candy now?
Gone.
Pau!

So, as a fellow freedom fighter told me, "There is nothing wrong about doing what is right" and I have to say that I agree. This calls for doing the right thing even if we fear there will be repercussions. Risks are necessary.

Hmm...

You know, I learned after 20 years of bullshitting myself into thinking I was better off acting like a hearing person than embracing myself and loving myself for being the person that I am, a beautiful deaf man, that the Truth is simply easier and much more natural. It is unavoidable.

It's time to show this person that we understand, even if it hurts in the beginning.

"Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?" Ecclesiastes 3:22