One morning, Old Man Ken wakes up at sunrise, takes a step out the front door and sees a still drunk dude, by the name of Hearing Jeff, sleepin' in a truck that was conveniently parked in his front yard. He rapidly shakes his head left and right, goes back inside briefly, and returns with his tennis shoes on. He quickly walks towards the demon red truck and bangs on the window and as loud as he could state, he said:
"This ain't no campsite! Get your ass up and out of here!"
The beer smelling Hearing Jeff is stirred up a little and slowly begins to rise. He looks like real shit with his hair all matted and his eyes swollen puffy. A Real Living Shit. He takes one long look at Old Man Ken and immediately begins to cough and gag intermittently as one eye shrinks and the other one bulges. He rolls down the window and continues to cough in a violent way that causes Old Man Ken to back away.
"Whoa!....What the hell?..."
The coughing slowly starts to recede and immediately thereafter the beanie headed hairy Hearing Jeff, in an agonizing manner, starts to collect the phlegm lodged in his throat and obnoxiously spits the gnarliest looking dookie on Old Man Ken's sneakers. This causes Old Man Ken to react in a burst of raging anger. He jumps closer to the window and kicks the truck's tire with his phlegm smeared shoe then slams his hands on the hood like a rabid chimpanzee. He exclaims once more with his fists clenched tightly and jerking in front of Hearing Jeff's face.
"You hear me?! I said this ain't no campsite! I'm so god damned sick and tired of you bums bumming off of bums that are already bumming off of other motherfucking bums. I said get your ass up and out of here and I mean now goddammit!"
Hearing Jeff gets out of the truck and responds to the old man as he unzips his pants and commences to urinate on a nearby greasewood bush.
"I know that, you mean old bastard!"
He continues to pee while Old Man Ken is pacing in his steps going four this way, four that way, and stops cold in his tracks as he notices another hairy looking beanie wearing fool show up out of the desert carrying a sleeping bag and a sleeping pad.
"Who the fuck are you?"
The new guy doesn't respond to Old Man Ken's question but does greet Hearing Jeff:"Good Morning Jeff, How'd you sleep?"
Jeff replied coughing once again,
"Like shit...".
The disgruntled old man loses his patience and yells,
"I asked you, 'Who the fuck are you?'!"
Hearing Jeff ignores the old man as he talks directly to the new guy and together they get in the truck as they prepare to depart from Old Man Ken's front yard, when the mean old bastard decides to ask the new guy, who was driving, an important question.
"What!?!? Are you Deaf?!?!"
The new guy rolls down his window and offers Old Man Ken a hand,
"Nice to meet you, I'm Deaf Jeff. Have a good one!"
But of course, Old Man Ken would have none of it.
The two Jeffs look once at the old man, once at each other as they light up cigarettes, and turn forward to face the long and dusty trail that lay ahead. They waved out the window towards Old Man Ken as they drove away watching him through the rear view mirrors. He was standing there with his bewildered self slowly fading away in a cloudy heap of dust.
Aye, yi, yi, yiiiii!
Viva Terlingua!
True story?
ReplyDeletehahaha.. i can only imagine what kinda of damage the two jeffs can do!! Great story.
ReplyDeleteCan you explain why your blogs show up at DeafRead which is the worst audist aggregrator? Are you boycotting DeafRead? I am confused.
ReplyDeleteBecause if I didn't post through Deafread, there'd be nothing worthy of reading from it. :)
ReplyDeleteNot boycotting Deafread....just giving them a second chance. They are in dire need of understanding what audism entails but let me forewarn you, these fools don't give a flying fuck about you and your culture, they just want to take advantage of you in that socioeconomic way that most capitalist fascist deem necessary.
*click me! click me!*
Audist aggregator? Definitely something worth taking note of...
:D
True story.
ReplyDeleteOppression is real, audism is just an illusion. A made up word that just creates mob mentality.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Hearing Jeff would learn something from Deaf Jeff, eh?
Poor little Anony,..7:01 a.m.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't seem to get the gist of this post. Not sure where you got that illusion or made up word. Nothing of this post refers to such.
Dumbass...
Here's a quote for ya:
ReplyDelete"Most of us, no matter what we say, are walking in the dark, whistling in the dark. Nobody knows what is going to happen to him from one moment to the next, or how one will bear it. This is irreducible. And it's true of everybody. Now, it is true that the nature of society is to create, among its citizens, an illusion of safety; but it is also absolutely true that the safety is always necessarily an illusion. Artists are here to disturb the peace." -James Baldwin
awesome entry! i truly enjoyed how you made the characters come to life. i was laughing my ass off!
ReplyDeletei am a friend of maria hammond, she showed me your blog, I will be reading ya. ayuh!
Great grizzly local color, in a grungy way! Give serious thought to writing a novel! I could clearly see these characters ambling into view, scratching themselves and shuffling off into the sunset.
ReplyDelete