She was born on October 29, 2002 in Frederick, Maryland.
Her name is Autumn Savana.
A week later her parents showed up at a gathering of deaf people. We, being new parents, were approached by several individuals who were interested in meeting Autumn. They would say their “oohs” and “aahs” and look at her for a few seconds and then bring up their itching question:
“Baby hearing or deaf?”
*curious eyes and fidgety lips*
Autumn is hearing.
“Oh.”
*face says: disappointed*
I remember the many times people would approach us with that question over and over. Each new person Autumn would meet had to ask that same old lame old question.
“Baby hearing or deaf?”
*fingers crossed*
She can hear.
“Means she got fathers genes because mother has the deaf gene. Oh well. Such a pretty baby anyway, she is darling.”
I remember feeling like I was the one to blame for her NOT being deaf. I remember feeling like I was a 2nd rate person in a 1st rate community because I do not have a deaf family and as we continued to live around Frederick and Washington D.C. the deaf community continued to ask that abrasive question.
“Baby hearing or deaf?”
*anticipation on face*
She is hearing.
“You know, it is important to sign with her because she is a Koda and they are a part of our deaf community.”
That’s right! Thank you. I was just about ready to explode before the next person was going to ask me that callous question. Yes, my daughter can hear and no, she isn’t going to be raised hearing. She’s a Koda and that’s the bottom line.
Now…Now…Now…
Let us fast forward to today. I was outside building an adobe wall whilst thinking about Kodas/Codas. You see, these people are some of the most unique people I have ever encountered in my life. If you’re not familiar with the acronyms then allow me to share.
K.O.D.A.
Kid Of Deaf Adult
C.O.D.A.
Child of Deaf Adult
These people have either one or two parents who are deaf and, naturally, they use the language of their parents, which is in most cases, sign language. There are, however, certain situations that a hearing child might have deaf parents that do not use sign language and that is often due to the fact that they, the parents, do not subscribe to deaf culture or use sign language. Is that clear? A Coda can either be proud or ashamed of being associated with the deaf and I will elaborate more on that further down.
Lets go back again and I will tell you about another experience I had with Autumn when she was four. Only this time it involves the actions of a hearing person. Please pay attention because this shit is going to get you thinking deeply about a few things in the whole (whole or hole?)
We, Autumn and I, are walking down a snowy street in Basalt, Colorado and are approached by a harried woman who seemed to want some help. Before she could explain in detail what it was she needed help with, I asked her to write it all down. She looked at me and rolled her eyes with a sneer on her face. The next thing she decided to do was talk to a four year old, Autumn:
“Tell your Daddy….”
Whoa! Whoa! Woman! Hey! First of all, I’m the adult here. Second, Autumn is four years old, my daughter, and not an interpreter. And lastly, I asked you to write down what you are saying.
“Can you tell your Daddy,..”
GRRRRRR!
Tsk. Tsk, Tsk. They may be hearing but they sure as hell do not listen.
We walked away and I held Autumn’s hand as I told her that sometimes hoos just don’t understand.
“I LOVE you, Daddy.”
I love you too.
Sigh
Okay, now here is where my thoughts get very interesting based on everything I’ve mentioned above. Deaf people praise deaf children of deaf parents because, as I believe, those children provide a source of hope for the community. Hope for a less ignorant hearing world, and that I can understand, but to the deaf community, I ask that you consider asking that curious question in a better way if you want to keep any hope at all. Ask: “Baby Coda or Deaf?” That way it is a win-win situation rather than a split or a diversion. You see, deaf people aren’t the only ones fighting to diminish the ignorance that so plagues the hearing world. Codas really kick ass and they do so because they’ve experienced the same, if not worse, kind of discrimination that uninformed hearing people impose!
Now, imagine an 7-year old Koda child sitting at a restaurant with her family and she hears a group of people making fun of people who use sign language or people talking about her parents in a way that makes her cry. Imagine this is only one instance of the many possibilities.
Whooo-ey!
Déjà vu.
Codas get used, abused, reused, misused and I know this because I’ve seen both the hearing and deaf take advantage of them. That is where we, as parents, made a promise to ourselves, being intelligent, capable, and independent people, never to put our children in the middle of our business with others. They deserve to be kids! If one opts to make an interpreter out of their child, if one selfishly uses that child’s hearing, if one conditions that child into becoming a personal secretary, they are truly vile, manipulative, controlling and in no way independent. They are selfish enough to be inconsiderate of the fact that they are sucking out the youth of that child faster than the world can do it alone. This is where the shame starts to surface and the Coda wants to be free from the deaf community. Aha! Another ally driven away.
Yeehaw!
Y’all know which horse I’m diggin’ my spurs into.
*kickin’!*
When a deaf parent USES their child to communicate with the hearing world, they are saying: “Hearing people are superior.” If you think using your child keeps you above par, think again because you’re just reinforcing the status quo (an ignorant hearing world) and declaring to the world how feebleminded you are. Hola!
I could go on and on with this but nah, enough has been said and I need to pull some more weeds out of the garden. ☺
Interesting, good, and valid perspective! Gonna think on this a bit more....
ReplyDeleteWell written Jefeter. Profound and clear as day. nice to see your wit and style again. Keep holding up that mirror.
ReplyDelete~ L
We taught our little koda what to do at restaurants and the like when asked to interpret. He can say "fine, but my fee is $5, payable in advance." If they pay him, so be it. If not, he tells them no.
ReplyDeleteHola Jefe, like ur prose as always.... but I must say I do not like this blog article. Gasp! Well, remember those Deaf parents of parentified kodas are a product of the HEARING paternalistic society. The Deaf needn't another scolding hand. Know?
ReplyDeleteMe curious why you didnt capitalize the D in deaf? Bluntingly yours, Nikki ;)
Howdy Nikki..I got your sentiments on this and yea,.. we are ALL a product of that hearing paternalism, however, I am of the belief that we are changing that attitude. I know it might seem like the impossible but nah, it is happening as we type.
ReplyDeleteScolding hand...that is for me.
*slapping myself*
Capital D little d.
Whats it to me?
Nada.
I'm deaf.
I'm Deaf.
All the same.
Thanks Nikki.
It is good to read from a parent who has KODA children because I haven't experienced what it is like although I have seen many stories shared but it varies based on a timeline.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that Deaf people tend to respond positively whenever they learn that one's children are Deaf. Of course the reaction tends to be the opposite from mostly hearing people even who are in the family tree.
Historically, technology and service weren't available to Deaf people that making relay calls, having interpreters in facilities, not having appropriate education that allows them to express articulatory in writing, etc. that they tend to turn to their hearing children for communication needs. I think that this is becoming less common for CODAs to be dependent on especially when their parents are educated.
I would like to share several of my experiences:
I recalled one day when I was unloading small bags in the compartment of the airplane with my two children who were already seated and a flight attendant approached me. At that moment, I was sweating and stressing out that I couldn't even concentrate on what he was saying. After he realized that I couldn't understand him, he asked me if my children could hear. I was like, "What? You wanted to know that they could hear so you could talk to them instead of to me? What are you thinking?" I was already close to the top of blowing off because it was a bad time and at a bad place. I was panting and huffing since I was in a rush catching the plane before that. Needless to say, he reacted by saying, "Did I do that?" and apologized. After that, he served us like we were in first class checking every moment to make sure we were satisfied with drinks and snacks. Haha...being assertive paid off but at the same time, giving them "a slap in the face" taught them quickly. Usually, I would be calm and be more rationale but again wrong time.
So another experience I would like to share was when I grew up with Deaf parents. They were profoundly deaf and experienced hearing parents taking care of stuff for them. Eventually, my sister and I who had residual hearing were called by our mom to interpret and I hated it. My sister was more willing (heck she's older) and I groaned when I was called upon especially when I was younger.
Kids are supposed to be kids and they earn every right to do so. Good blog!
I like the idea that they teach their kid to ask to be paid in advance. Emma would want to do that! She is always asking me how she can make money. BUT maybe it's a good think she can't understand Shaun that well. NO, just kidding.
ReplyDeleteHe has told me to NEVER ask her to try to interpret. He gets so frustrated with me for not understanding him. I am using the excuse that I have brain transmission problems. I think what you say, Barb, is true. With all the modern technology nowadays, kids should not have to interpret. I love the movie, LOVE IS NEVER SILENT. It shows how life used to be. Now, if only the Deaf that have problems with English because their ignorant parents mainstreamed them in the boonies with poor services, would not get mad at us and expect us to interpret....especially when the parent is a lousy interpreter!
how about we ask upon greeting & meeting?
ReplyDelete"person of the eye-hand?"
to which Deaf, deaf, hh, hearing - matters not at all
""What matters deafness of the ear, when the mind hears. The one true deafness, the incurable deafness, is that of the mind." - Victor Hugo 1845
paddy ladd and padden and humphries as well as many other scholars have noted we have MUCH to learn from CODAS (or as the brits sign it - mother-father-deaf) as CODAs completely remove the "disability" argument completely.
it is purely a cultural and linguistic thing when discussing CODAs
re: "they are sucking out the youth of that child faster than the world can do it alone."
this is an important point. the world does quite a bit of
sucking out the youth of that child" no need for us to be adding to that
re: D and d
when Woodward proposed the distinction - it was a sound and just argument but the blogsphere has gone ballistics on it.
would that we could come up with a NEW term - a word of our own that originates in sign language instead of in text or spoken language first.
im to the point that i would even just cross out the D/d and go with Eaf
i am so Eafing right now !
;)
People of the Eaf - unite!
peace out
p
Good for you for not allowing your child to interpret. I too have had experiences iwth people trying to rely on my son to interpret. We had a talk one day and I explained to him that I feel strongly that he deserves to be a child because he only has one childhood and that was why I always declined their requests to use my son to interpret. I also advised him to tell them that he will not interpret and for them to write to me directly. If he wants to become an interpreter, he will do so when he is an adult and if he's interested. Period.
ReplyDelete